Day 2A: Finger Pointing and Stranger Slapping

So, I was late for work before I woke up today, which is nice. I sprung from my bed, skipped a shower and headed down Harvard St. to 71st, turned on Lewis and parked at the Maybe (sic) Center where shuttle buses were waiting to take myself and others to the tournament down the road. I wasn't, to be honest, all that worried about being late, seeing as I already possessed the payoff (my grounds pass) that was promised in exchange for my labor, that I wasn't in any other way being paid, and that I didn't have a boss. Still, however, I didn't ideally wish to be 35 minutes late to work, which I was. But then again no one noticed. Below's a pic of the tent in which I work.

Oh by the way it's your (yes you) fault that I was late for work today. Writing this blog, entertaining and informing countless adoring fans is no small task, and kept me up until 4 in the morning. If you happen to be thinking "he stayed up til 4 AM and this is all he has to show for it" well then up yours, too, pal.

Anyway, today I worked primarily with Sharon (67) and Paige (16). Everyone who volunteers for this thing is, quite seriously, just now learning to drive or just now learning to drive while wearing Depends. I did the same thing today that I did yesterday, but with less efficiency and more apathy. I stood at the head of the checkout line and directed shoppers, based on line length, to the appropriate queue...pretty thrilling. I did master the line "checkouts to your left and to your right, non-purchases can go straight thru", which I said a few thousand times. Both the best and worst part of my job, hence the title of this post, is the necessary arm motions that accompany my verbal instructions. The worst part is that your arms become quite tired and, later, sore, from the constant arm motioning. The best part is that occasionally that very same arm motion will smack an unsuspecting patron upside the head. My backhanding grand total for the day was as follows:
Adults: 4
Teens: 3
Infants: 14
Geriatrics: 5
Tiger Headcovers: 49
Manikins: 1

I ducked out of work early, at roughly 3:00, because I simply had had enough. Not to beat a dead horse here, but, what are they gonna do, fire me? Plus I knew I'd left my camera in the car, which was a lengthy shuttle ride there and back away, so I had to get moving if I was to catch the players while they were still on the premises.

Once back, camera in hand, I made for the practice green, as I did yesterday. Only this time I had an ally with me that was sure to help the golfer search in a big way. Meet the IBM/American Express myLeaderboard...
This handy little PDA device (free to rent for AMEX card members)tells you a number of things, including where the nearest refreshment stands, first aid booths and restrooms are. It also contains detailed player bios and, most importantly, has real time updates on the players' locations around the course. So, I simply clicked "player locations" and scrolled down to see which players were on each hole rather than wander aimlessly as I did yesterday. Maximizing efficiency, that's what I'm all about.

The putting green was pretty empty, save for another portly man who must have worked for one of the club manufacturers; he was simply to fat and sweaty to tee it up with Tiger for a living. Even by golf standards (which are hardly standards) , he wasn't in good enough shape to be competing in anything aside from a nap contest. There was, however, one competition he was made for.....................the hottest person of the day contest! You thought I'd forgotten! So, without further ado...

Today's Winner...no that's not a multi-shade yellow shirt, the light part is the only part not soaked in sweat.

And don't touch that dial sportsfan, there will certainly be many more entrants in the hottest person of the day contest, especially given Tulsa's forecast for the coming week...hot hot and more hot. Triple digits all the way thru Sunday, sheesh.

The putting green was quiet, as I said, but according to both my ears and myLeaderboard, there was plenty of action nearby...